**BUT LISTEN UP…..THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!** (Continued From Part 1)
It all depends if you are AT “EFFECT” or AT “CAUSE” of the said emotion or in this case “anger” or “impatience”.
For a second imagine a Tennis player serving….
Being at “effect” of an emotion means that the emotion in a way is “controlling” you. Imagine that in this case you are a tennis ball and “anger” is the tennis racket… you are being directed by the anger, passively with no control.
NOT GOOD…we have all been there.
When you are at “cause” with a said emotion you are in effect using it constructively …
Being at “cause” of an emotion, in effect means that instead of being the tennis ball, you have to become the tennis player…
– suddenly an image of control comes up…directing the emotion where you can effectively use it!
As we all know, the above is easier said than done…but I think the analogy is important and will ‘serve’ you in the future 😉
So let’s put that aside for a moment
….let’s assume that we are effectively managing our emotions i.e. tennis players not tennis balls.
Here is the next BIG BIG thing that stops us from saying what needs to be said, or stops us from confronting an issue, urgently, if needed…..
It is the fear that: ‘“people” will leave if I …….’
I was once taught that..
Your success is in direct proportion to the uncomfortable conversations that you are prepared to have.
Quite honestly, when you choose the alternative, which in most cases is turning a blind eye……
you are choosing to knowingly lose money!
Im as guilty as the next but we both know that right now …probably pretty obviously this is happening in your business.
My journey has taught me that, the quicker it comes to a head, the quicker I grow!
If someone does, in fact, leave, no matter how “critical” they may feel to the entire mission, you ALWAYS look back after they leave and say..
“Why the heck didn’t we do that earlier?!”
NOBODY IS IRREPLACEABLE.
Here is an excerpt from writings of former American President, Harry S Truman:
“I don’t really give anybody hell. Some people just think it’s hell.”
Contrary to reputation, I’m actually, mostly, by my perception, a gentle, cuddly pussycat. A genuinely nice fellow.
Presuming that people act rationally, reasonably, respectfully, when appropriate gratefully, and competently and responsibly. But people who do not are often banished or the object of my wrath.
Hardly anybody ever sees me really, thoroughly pissed off anymore. I used to have quite a temper. Now I just literally or figuratively show ‘em the door. They may think I’m giving them hell, but they have no idea. It is nifty to be in the position of having almost no one matter.
I worked hard to get here. I see many people living the exact opposite: letting everybody matter. Why? In a letter to my #1 grandson on the occasion of his high school graduation and departure to a college, I included the following information:
People come and go. Friends – or people who seem to be friends; girlfriends, lovers, spouses; neighbors; co-workers; family, all make up a fluid community. The moving trucks enter and exit it often.
Over time, you’ll be amazed at how many people come and go, that seemed enormously important at one time and can barely be remembered later.
There is one person and one person only with you 24/7/365 for as long as you live. You.
Figuring out how to have a good working relationship with him no matter what sunshine or shit comes his way is everything. Everyone else in your life is a tenant.
You are the only permanent resident. THE SECRET is personal, intellectual and emotional resilience.
If you are to study and work at developing one thing above all others, this is it. It can be your friend when it seems you have no others.
So embrace the fluidity of business relationships and take charge!
A mentor once really upset me with the following statement,
“Reserve sentimentality for your family, it has no place in a business”.
I hated it the first time I heard him say that….didn’t feel right to me at the time.
But as the saying goes,
“You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Rich, You Can’t Be Both”
I came around …. albeit slowly.
As I’m getting older, I hate to say it, but I’m beginning to see more and more the sense and moreover NECESSITY in that statement.
Love him or hate him, Donald Trump embraces this to the enth degree.
So in closing, i’m going to leave you some homework…
Make a list of all the uncomfortable conversations you need to have
…..once you’ve written them down, don’t do anything for a week until the emotion has subsided.
THEN, make a choice which ONE conversation needs to happen ASAP in a nice, calm manner …THEN schedule it in..
It’s your business, your life, your children’s future…are you really going to let the fear of an uncomfortable conversation get in the way of that?!
I THINK NOT FEARLESS LEADER!! 🙂
Love and light,
P.S. If you need any advice simply reach out to me